Maternity Agency – MOMMA ARTS

Deirdre McLary Blog, Doula, Maternity Agency, new mother, postpartum baby, Bergen County, breastfeeding, Doula, Lactation Consultant, Maplewood, Newborn, North Jersey, Nyack, postpartum, Rockland County, sleep expert, sleep regression, sleep training, Westchester

Is Sleep Regression A Thing?

Yes and no. It is a busy developmental time for a 3 – 5 month old baby, no doubt about it. But there’s nothing new here to see, despite it being a “fad” expression these days. Moms and families have been dealing with the growth and developmental changes of their babies for thousands of years. And we’ve been creating strategies and techniques to make these transitions as smooth as possible for everyone in the family.

Sleep ….. it eludes just about every new parent at some point or another. We sympathize. We’ve been there as parents ourselves, and we see hundreds of clients a year – all of whom, at some point, want to spend time talking sleep with us. We’re happy to oblige. We know a lot about the normal sleep and developmental habits of human infants and little people. Their sleep patterns are different that adults. And as such they have different needs.

But for a bleary eyed, exhausted new parent, who would do just about anything for four straight hours of sleep, there’s no telling them that “this is normal”.

Here are a few thoughts we have on sleep. If any of this resonates with you, contact us and we’d be happy to do a one-on-one consult to explore further how we may be of help in supporting your nap and night time parenting needs.

When looking for answers, it’s hard to hear “every baby is different”. It’s true though. We really mean it when we say stop comparing yourself to another mother/baby pair and family. The good news is there are many different strategies to apply that may work for your unique little person.
There are real biological and behavioral needs and milestones. If you know these, understand them – it’s easier to try to modify behavior in order to bring more sleep to the whole family.
If you’re breastfeeding, the nature of breastfed babies being less “schedulable” (we know, not a real word) in the first few months is real. We can’t monitor ounces taken during a feed via a bottle, so we’re often left wondering about doing it right and finding confidence. But even without a regular bottle to measure success or establish a “schedule” – you can find rhythm. Looking at normal newborn cues will help you begin to understand and predict baby’s rhythms.
In the first months, it’s very important to meet the baby where the baby is at. This is a primal, little being whose mission is simply eat, sleep, grow (pee/poop). It’s hard to let go and realize we are following the baby’s demands, rather than trying to make baby meet our demands (for sleep, for time, for calm).
Personality exists young. If you’re tossing your hands in the air with one child, we truly believe that when #2 or #3 comes along – you’ll find a totally different kid. So many parents of more that one child can often be heard saying, “my first slept like a dream, but my 2nd never slept” or some such variation.
Logic and calm. There are many ways to approach sleep challenges. What we find works well is coming at it from a perspective of logic and calm. If you’re exhausted and emotionally drained from it all, it’s hard to think about a strategy that might work. All you want to do is hire Mary Poppins and check into a hotel for the weekend.

Bottom line, they do sleep eventually! We promise. Give us a shout if you want to talk more about it all.

Sweet Dreams,

Deirdre & Kim

Deirdre McLary Blog, Childbirth, Doula, Doula Agency, Maternity Agency, postpartum, Pregnancy baby, baby nurse, Bergen County, Birth, birth doula, childbirth, Doula, expecting, Maplewood, Newborn, newborn expert, North Jersey, Nyack, NYC, postpartum, postpartum doula, Pregnancy, Rockland County, what's a doula?

Why You Don’t Want a Doula

1. “I have my partner to support me.” We totally understand this, and support it 100%. Your partner is there because they know and love YOU, above all others. We want that for you! We’re there because we know and love childbirth and postpartum. And think you could use that kind of support, too. We see it at every birth – beloved partners stepping in to their deserved role of new daddy/momma, while providing the most amazing and loving support. They know you well. But they don’t know birth quite as well. That’s where we fit in. The role of a doula is not to displace your partner. The role of the doula is to add support to the already loving dynamic you two share, to hold you both up while the three of us do what comes naturally. Doulas are there to ease the burden and expectation that your partner has to be all things – labor support, OB, midwife, lactation consultant, newborn expert, pain coping strategist. Your partner will support you as only some one who’s known you so long can. We want that to happen, and will make it happen seamlessly, where each of us provides the exact support the birthing or new momma needs.

2. “I’m not sure I want a stranger there.” We get it. We start out strangers. Why on earth would you want to invite someone you don’t even know into probably the single most intimate moment of your life? Here’s how we see it. We won’t be strangers for long. When you’re at your most vulnerable, when you’re feeling unsure or needing the tender touch or wisdom of encouragement – it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known that person, but more that they’re the right person for you. It’s chemistry! We’ve all fallen in love instantly with say a cab driver or that guy at the coffee shop, or the new neighbor down the hall. You know right away if you can stand this person, right? You’ve met enough people in life to have cultivated a pretty good filter for knowing if the fit is right.

This is why we are a collective of doulas. We highly recommend you meet and interview several doulas, because sometimes you just know it’s right with the first person you talk to, and that’s great. But not always, so it’s smart to talk to two or three people and see who’s style you click with. One thing is for sure – doulas are united in wanting you to have the best birth and postpartum experience you can have. So meet a few of us! We’re cool with that. We expect it. You need to find the person you know, from that very first phone call, is the right doula for you. That’s the magic of chemistry. Then, if there’s time and you hire early – we have weeks, even months to be in touch regularly to get to know each other further. The relationship evolves, and voila, we are no longer strangers.

3. “It’s too expensive.” We don’t agree with this. Christian Louboutin’s? They’re maybe too expensive. And all you’re really getting are pretty feet. A doula is an investment that has short and long-term value. The benefits to mother, partner and baby go beyond any trend or fad. Only you know your budget though, your comfort zone on spending money. We don’t want our work to add to your stress over the cost of having a baby. The good news is that more and more doula agencies and collectives are popping up. And they offer everything from tiered pricing to “new doula” mentorship, which allows their training to offset the cost of the fee you would pay. This means we pretty much guarantee we can help you find a doula who fits your “having a baby” budget.

Let’s be realistic. Having a baby is expensive. And while for most, insurance pays for the birth and medical bills, you have to figure out your priorities postpartum. With ample data and research on how doulas create better outcomes for mothers and babies, how we all don’t look at having one as a worth while investment is beyond us. If we know that better outcomes mean better mother/baby bonding … which leads to greater success in breastfeeding … which means all kinds of cost savings, from formula to long-term health benefits, well, you see where we’re going. Talk to doulas, get their pricing and start saving early. Ask about payment plans and gift certificates. If you’re adding those big-ticket items to your baby registry, like a crib, or a stroller, add a doula too. Get your girlfriends and family to go in on it as a joint gift idea. Bottom line, if you’re sold on the idea of having a doula at your side, either at the birth or postpartum, then don’t let the cost hold you back!

4. “I don’t even know what a doula does.” Let us tell you then! We’d love to sit and have a cup of coffee with you to discuss all we do at MommaArts. Just give us a shout. In the mean time, there are hundreds of excellent articles, blogs and reviews about what a doula does. Here’s a recent one we liked and shared on our FB page. If you’ve opened this blog up though, and started to read, that probably means you already know you’re interested in doula care, and might just be on the fence about it. We’d still love to talk to you, to clear up any questions you may have or myths that are out there about what we do. Most important to us is that you know that we support all births choices. We’re not one kind of doula. We’re every doula, and want to bring our love of the work to you.

Deirdre & Kim