Is Sleep Regression A Thing?
Yes and no. It is a busy developmental time for a 3 – 5 month old baby, no doubt about it. But there’s nothing new here to see, despite it being a “fad” expression these days. Moms and families have been dealing with the growth and developmental changes of their babies for thousands of years. And we’ve been creating strategies and techniques to make these transitions as smooth as possible for everyone in the family.
Sleep ….. it eludes just about every new parent at some point or another. We sympathize. We’ve been there as parents ourselves, and we see hundreds of clients a year – all of whom, at some point, want to spend time talking sleep with us. We’re happy to oblige. We know a lot about the normal sleep and developmental habits of human infants and little people. Their sleep patterns are different that adults. And as such they have different needs.
But for a bleary eyed, exhausted new parent, who would do just about anything for four straight hours of sleep, there’s no telling them that “this is normal”.
Here are a few thoughts we have on sleep. If any of this resonates with you, contact us and we’d be happy to do a one-on-one consult to explore further how we may be of help in supporting your nap and night time parenting needs.
- When looking for answers, it’s hard to hear “every baby is different”. It’s true though. We really mean it when we say stop comparing yourself to another mother/baby pair and family. The good news is there are many different strategies to apply that may work for your unique little person.
- There are real biological and behavioral needs and milestones. If you know these, understand them – it’s easier to try to modify behavior in order to bring more sleep to the whole family.
- If you’re breastfeeding, the nature of breastfed babies being less “schedulable” (we know, not a real word) in the first few months is real. We can’t monitor ounces taken during a feed via a bottle, so we’re often left wondering about doing it right and finding confidence. But even without a regular bottle to measure success or establish a “schedule” – you can find rhythm. Looking at normal newborn cues will help you begin to understand and predict baby’s rhythms.
- In the first months, it’s very important to meet the baby where the baby is at. This is a primal, little being whose mission is simply eat, sleep, grow (pee/poop). It’s hard to let go and realize we are following the baby’s demands, rather than trying to make baby meet our demands (for sleep, for time, for calm).
- Personality exists young. If you’re tossing your hands in the air with one child, we truly believe that when #2 or #3 comes along – you’ll find a totally different kid. So many parents of more that one child can often be heard saying, “my first slept like a dream, but my 2nd never slept” or some such variation.
- Logic and calm. There are many ways to approach sleep challenges. What we find works well is coming at it from a perspective of logic and calm. If you’re exhausted and emotionally drained from it all, it’s hard to think about a strategy that might work. All you want to do is hire Mary Poppins and check into a hotel for the weekend.
Bottom line, they do sleep eventually! We promise. Give us a shout if you want to talk more about it all.
Sweet Dreams,
Deirdre & Kim
One from my own past took place at the town swimming pool. My husband was with my middle child at the “big pool” and I was with my youngest at the baby pool. It was a beautiful afternoon and my friend and I were enjoying watching our toddlers splash, our backs to the big pool. It’s a big complex and the pools are not near each other. I heard the blasts of whistles to get the attention of the lifeguards that meant either a drill or that help was needed. A chill went up my spine – a literal chill on a hot summer day – and I shouted to my friend to watch my little one and I took off running. I just knew the person hurt was my other son even though I was far away and couldn’t see. I knew right where to go. I ran the distance of the olympic pool and around to the diving well, getting there as soon as my husband did even though he was very close by. A kid had changed their mind about the high dive and started back down the ladder my son was on. Luckily my son’s foot got caught in a rung well above the concrete so his head never hit. All he had was a bad bruise and sprain.
We do a lot of postpartum nurturing. Directly as postpartum doulas, or as part of a postpartum check-in with our labor support clients, and of course, as lactation consultants visiting new moms in their homes. We see new mommas all the time. We see how they adjust in those first few weeks, what their rhythm is, when, how and if they “self care”. You know what one thing seems to be universally met with sheer joy, relief and absolute gratitude? SOUP! It does a body good.
The day that every parent knows is coming came: my firstborn left for college. Mostly it seemed so far away, though some days it felt like it couldn’t come soon enough during those deep in the teen rebellion moments. But seriously – wasn’t he just wearing his Batman costume constantly and making me necklaces from dried pasta?
Now my first baby, at seventeen, is living four hours away. I don’t know what he ate for breakfast or if he ate at all. I’m thrilled for him. Really. But I’m sad for me. I know I’m not supposed to say that, that somehow it’s unbecoming and whiny or stalkerish or something. I am no helicopter parent, after all. I keep telling myself that it’s testament to what a good job we did that he’s so independent. But it hurts, dammit! I find myself jealous of the other parents posting about their Skype and FaceTime sessions with their college freshman (usually parents of girls, I note, though I’m sure that’s not really the case). We are not hearing much. Crickets most of the time. Last night he called asking for access to the new credit card number (side note: credit card fraud is a big, freaking hassle!) for Chinese food; it was not given and instead he was treated to a tasty helping of talk about allowance, living within one’s means, bla bla bla. And there was one glorious moment last week when he had an earache (he’s prone to swimmer’s ear) and called for advice. Yes…you, read correctly – I just basked in the glory of my son’s minor illness. That’s where I am at the moment, just being honest y’all. My other kids have suggested that my having put his graduation picture in the family room (instead of with all the other family pictures in the hall) is freaky and looks like I’ve made a shrine to a dead person…but I like seeing his face, so sue me.
Who do you want to be your mentor? If you read our blog post a bit ago about 
The worst feeling, when you’re already tired from motherhood, is to feel slippery and slimy and dripping with sweat as you go to nurse your baby. These common sense ideas will probably make you go, “oh, of course” but believe me – as a new mother, I needed someone to tell me exactly how to brush my teeth, my brain was in such a perpetual fog.