Why You Don’t Want a Doula
1. “I have my partner to support me.” We totally understand this, and support it 100%. Your partner is there because they know and love YOU, above all others. We want that for you! We’re there because we know and love childbirth and postpartum. And think you could use that kind of support, too. We see it at every birth – beloved partners stepping in to their deserved role of new daddy/momma, while providing the most amazing and loving support. They know you well. But they don’t know birth quite as well. That’s where we fit in. The role of a doula is not to displace your partner. The role of the doula is to add support to the already loving dynamic you two share, to hold you both up while the three of us do what comes naturally. Doulas are there to ease the burden and expectation that your partner has to be all things – labor support, OB, midwife, lactation consultant, newborn expert, pain coping strategist. Your partner will support you as only some one who’s known you so long can. We want that to happen, and will make it happen seamlessly, where each of us provides the exact support the birthing or new momma needs.
2. “I’m not sure I want a stranger there.” We get it. We start out strangers. Why on earth would you want to invite someone you don’t even know into probably the single most intimate moment of your life? Here’s how we see it. We won’t be strangers for long. When you’re at your most vulnerable, when you’re feeling unsure or needing the tender touch or wisdom of encouragement – it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known that person, but more that they’re the right person for you. It’s chemistry! We’ve all fallen in love instantly with say a cab driver or that guy at the coffee shop, or the new neighbor down the hall. You know right away if you can stand this person, right? You’ve met enough people in life to have cultivated a pretty good filter for knowing if the fit is right.
This is why we are a collective of doulas. We highly recommend you meet and interview several doulas, because sometimes you just know it’s right with the first person you talk to, and that’s great. But not always, so it’s smart to talk to two or three people and see who’s style you click with. One thing is for sure – doulas are united in wanting you to have the best birth and postpartum experience you can have. So meet a few of us! We’re cool with that. We expect it. You need to find the person you know, from that very first phone call, is the right doula for you. That’s the magic of chemistry. Then, if there’s time and you hire early – we have weeks, even months to be in touch regularly to get to know each other further. The relationship evolves, and voila, we are no longer strangers. 
3. “It’s too expensive.” We don’t agree with this. Christian Louboutin’s? They’re maybe too expensive. And all you’re really getting are pretty feet. A doula is an investment that has short and long-term value. The benefits to mother, partner and baby go beyond any trend or fad. Only you know your budget though, your comfort zone on spending money. We don’t want our work to add to your stress over the cost of having a baby. The good news is that more and more doula agencies and collectives are popping up. And they offer everything from tiered pricing to “new doula” mentorship, which allows their training to offset the cost of the fee you would pay. This means we pretty much guarantee we can help you find a doula who fits your “having a baby” budget.
Let’s be realistic. Having a baby is expensive. And while for most, insurance pays for the birth and medical bills, you have to figure out your priorities postpartum. With ample data and research on how doulas create better outcomes for mothers and babies, how we all don’t look at having one as a worth while investment is beyond us. If we know that better outcomes mean better mother/baby bonding … which leads to greater success in breastfeeding … which means all kinds of cost savings, from formula to long-term health benefits, well, you see where we’re going. Talk to doulas, get their pricing and start saving early. Ask about payment plans and gift certificates. If you’re adding those big-ticket items to your baby registry, like a crib, or a stroller, add a doula too. Get your girlfriends and family to go in on it as a joint gift idea. Bottom line, if you’re sold on the idea of having a doula at your side, either at the birth or postpartum, then don’t let the cost hold you back!
4. “I don’t even know what a doula does.” Let us tell you then! We’d love to sit and have a cup of coffee with you to discuss all we do at MommaArts. Just give us a shout. In the mean time, there are hundreds of excellent articles, blogs and reviews about what a doula does. Here’s a recent one we liked and shared on our FB page. If you’ve opened this blog up though, and started to read, that probably means you already know you’re interested in doula care, and might just be on the fence about it. We’d still love to talk to you, to clear up any questions you may have or myths that are out there about what we do. Most important to us is that you know that we support all births choices. We’re not one kind of doula. We’re every doula, and want to bring our love of the work to you.
Deirdre & Kim
We do a lot of postpartum nurturing. Directly as postpartum doulas, or as part of a postpartum check-in with our labor support clients, and of course, as lactation consultants visiting new moms in their homes. We see new mommas all the time. We see how they adjust in those first few weeks, what their rhythm is, when, how and if they “self care”. You know what one thing seems to be universally met with sheer joy, relief and absolute gratitude? SOUP! It does a body good.
The day that every parent knows is coming came: my firstborn left for college. Mostly it seemed so far away, though some days it felt like it couldn’t come soon enough during those deep in the teen rebellion moments. But seriously – wasn’t he just wearing his Batman costume constantly and making me necklaces from dried pasta?
Now my first baby, at seventeen, is living four hours away. I don’t know what he ate for breakfast or if he ate at all. I’m thrilled for him. Really. But I’m sad for me. I know I’m not supposed to say that, that somehow it’s unbecoming and whiny or stalkerish or something. I am no helicopter parent, after all. I keep telling myself that it’s testament to what a good job we did that he’s so independent. But it hurts, dammit! I find myself jealous of the other parents posting about their Skype and FaceTime sessions with their college freshman (usually parents of girls, I note, though I’m sure that’s not really the case). We are not hearing much. Crickets most of the time. Last night he called asking for access to the new credit card number (side note: credit card fraud is a big, freaking hassle!) for Chinese food; it was not given and instead he was treated to a tasty helping of talk about allowance, living within one’s means, bla bla bla. And there was one glorious moment last week when he had an earache (he’s prone to swimmer’s ear) and called for advice. Yes…you, read correctly – I just basked in the glory of my son’s minor illness. That’s where I am at the moment, just being honest y’all. My other kids have suggested that my having put his graduation picture in the family room (instead of with all the other family pictures in the hall) is freaky and looks like I’ve made a shrine to a dead person…but I like seeing his face, so sue me.
These three simple questions may help you.